In the reading from Paul’s letter to the faithful community of believers in Rome (13:8-14) we hear an excellent summation of the Ten Commandments, and indeed the entire code of ethics and conduct found within the Hebrew Text and the expanded teachings of Jesus Christ. Paul wrote, “The commandments … are summed up in this word, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” [1] At first blush these words may sound far too simplistic; almost too easy to be the culmination of centuries of study of cultural and inter-personal relationships … but they are the summation of a deeply thoughtful study and a very complex directive.
I will begin by telling you that my understanding of love is like looking into this tangled web. I love my wife, I love my children, and I love my grandchildren. But what does that mean? What does it mean to love someone? Loving someone means more than just feeding them when they are hungry, washing them when they are not clean, caring for them when they are sick, or providing them with clothing and shelter.
Loving someone also means more than just embracing them even when there are differences of opinion, reaching out to them even when they are upset with us, or helping them when we believe that the cost may be more than we can endure.
Loving someone can also mean that we are willing to invest in the emotional cost of having to be honest with them when we believe that they have made a mistake. Loving someone means that we are called upon to reach out to them in the same manner that we would want others to reach out to us; with honesty, with compassion, and with love.
And so we can see that all of the teachings of the Torah, of Jesus, of the Bible, and of all of the other codes of genuine ethics and love are based on the concept of treating others as we would want them to treat us. Each of us is looking to being treated with dignity, respect, and love even in times of conflict.
And so we may ask, “What is the proper protocol for dealing with a fellow member of the church when we believe that they have done something wrong?”
In this morning’s reading from the Gospel of Matthew (18:15-20) we clearly heard the answer that Jesus gave to his disciples. If we have been wronged by a fellow member of our worship community, then we are to go to them privately and discuss the matter. I would also remind us that Jesus is not talking about such things as, “If you think that they may have offended you …” nor did he say, “If they have sinned against another member of the community …” No, we are only to be concerned about those stumbling block which are genuine and the ones that are between ourselves and another person.
We are encouraged to take positive actions to correct the division rather than allow it to fester until it becomes a wall between ourselves and another member of the community. And we are encouraged to begin the process in a one on one environment rather than seeking to divide the entire community over a private issue.
And wouldn’t it be truly wonderful if every time we come into such a one on one confrontation it would be resolved? But the reality is that they are not, and so Jesus tells us that rather than brewing discontent within the community that we should bring one or two others with us for a conference with the one who has sinned against us. And yet again Jesus reminds that the reality is that even these steps at attempting to deal with conflicts within a faith community are not always going to be successful … and so Jesus instructs that at this point the issue should be brought to the attention of the entire community … “and if the member refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”[2] Interesting … Did you notice that Jesus did not say to “Throw them out!” Do you remember with whom Jesus was spending most of his time ministering? The gentiles and the tax collectors: those who were the outcasts of the Jewish society.
When such a one refuses to listen to us, or two or three of us, or even the entire Church, we are called to continue reaching out to them … to bring them back into the congregation … into our fellowship with each other and with God. Let us pray …
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